Cafe Royale (Victoria)

Scouts report a tavern on Victoria's main square, at the very foot of the Citadel. It bears a royal name, though inside we encountered no monarch — only waiters with truly knightly patience. The Commander ordered the local specialty: ħobż biż-żejt, bread with oil. Sounds simple? It is not. This is a sandwich the size of a battle shield: Maltese bread soaked in olive oil, topped with tuna, beans, capers, olives, and tomatoes. Plus chips. Chips! The Order suspects this is a self-sufficient siege ration. Squire Tomasz ordered two portions and asked whether the "Royale" in the name meant royal portions. The waiter said yes, but you pay royally too. Untrue — the prices are decidedly plebeian. The best tables are outside on the square, facing the Citadel. Locals sit here for hours over a single coffee, watching tour groups sprint from church to church. The Gozitan pace. The Order approves. TACTICAL NOTE: Independence Square is the best spot to observe Victoria's daily life. Sunny tables disappear fast — arrive in the morning. The ħobż biż-żejt sandwich is a full meal; do not order two (unless you are Squire Tomasz). The Order rates: 4 shields out of 5. One point deducted for the lack of craft beer, but that is probably for the best — after beer, nobody would make it up to the Citadel.